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This is a transcript of the Earthworm Jim episode "The Exile of Lucy" from season 2, which first aired on October 5, 1996.

Cold open

(Jim and Peter are being cornered by Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head with big neutron guns.)

Narrator: We join our heroes as Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head are about to blast them with big, nasty, neutron guns.

(Professor Monkey-for-a-Head’s communicator screen turns on. It was Queen Slug-for-a-Butt.)

Queen SFAB: No, you idiot! I hired you to get his suit! If you blast him, you’ll destroy it!

(Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head look at each other.)

Psycrow: Can’t shoot?

Professor Monkey-for-a-Head: I feel naked.

Jim: Well, I….. Oh. If you can’t shoot us, I guess….. we’ll just be going. (Jim and Peter are about to tiptoe out, but Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head still got them cornered causing Jim and Peter to stay here to be blasted.)

Psycrow: Oh no! You’re not going anywhere!

Narrator: The battle between good and evil has come to a standstill. What can be done?

Jim: Only one thing! (Jim and Peter change into their tuxedos and fancy top hats.) A big, splashy musical number!

(Fanfare plays. Jim and Peter are doing the chorus line dance while twirling their canes. Water fountain turns on. The chorus girls appear one by one.)

Chorus Girls: Battle between good and evil, battle between good and evil, battle between good and evil.

(Three chorus girls starts chorus line dancing. We zoom to Jim and Peter.)

Jim and Peter: Oh, we’re the superheroes

Of evil we must fight

(Cut to close up of Jim and Peter.)

Jim: I have a long and floppy head

Peter: I wet the bed at night

(We cut to Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head.)

Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head: We’re the evil villians

We want Jim’s supersuit

(Cut to close-up of Professor Monkey-for-a-Head.)

Professor Monkey-for-a-Head: I would like to rule the world

(Pan to the monkey peeling a banana.)

Monkey: I would like some fruit, mon.

(Cut to where Jim lands in Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head’s location, twirls them to the other side, grabs the neutron guns and aims to shoot.)

Jim: Gosh, all of this singing

Has certainly been fun.

But, now I’ve got to blast you both

With these big neutron guns!

(We close up to Jim, showing his rage face.)

Professor Monkey-for-a-Head: Oh, by golly!

Psycrow: I bet that this will hurt.

Jim: Now’s the time I stop your crime, and holler out “EAT DIRT!!!” (laughs maniacally)

(Peter and the chorus are doing a chorus line. While Jim is blasting Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head with neutron guns, around in a circle. We cut to Peter and the chorus. Psycrow and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head are running off. Jim is speeding up to them while blasting with neutron guns at them.)

Peter and Chorus: Now’s the time he stops your crime, and hollers out “EAT DIRT!!!”

And hollers out (He hollers out, he hollers out)

And hollers out (He hollers out)

EAT DIRT!!!

(The scene is covered by colorful clouds caused by the blasts. A crash sound is heard. Jim maniacally laughs. Fade out.)

Act 1

COMING SOON!

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